The Expected Arrival of an Old Friend

It was sunny, and I sat cross-legged on the soft ground, smoking a cigarette and admiring a tulip. I had never seen such a deliberately hued creature. It was white and gold and perfectly tulip-shaped. Suddenly, it spoke: “You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.” Upon retrospection, the fact that a flower spoke to me seemed oddly normal, surprisingly expected. “I’m allowed to smoke,” I said. “I’m a writer.” “Still,” it said, and continued swaying in the breeze.

That being the end of that, I looked around. My, it was a glorious day. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. A woman with a baby stroller whistled a little song as she walked. I then noticed a man wearing an overcoat, strolling down the street at what I thought to be a bit brisk of a pace for strolling. “You should tell him. As a fellow stroller, I’m sure he’d appreciate your input,” the tulip said. So I got up, didn’t toss the cigarette in the grass, and walked over to the man who, on noticing my approach, began to speed up. “Hello, friend,” I said, as he quickened even more. At this point he was strolling at near-supersonic speeds. “Can you be helped?” He said in a voice like an iron poker. “I just wanted to inform you that you are going rather quickly for strolling. I have always found my strolling to be best accomplished at a slower speed, something near a canter.” “Well, that’s because I’m not strolling. I’m traipsing.” “I don’t mean to call you a liar, but you were very distinctly strolling a minute ago, and if I am not mistaken you still are now.” “Listen, you wouldn’t know strolling if it hit you in the head with a kettle. Who are you anyway, Mary Queen of Scots?” “No, I’m Quincy.” “Ya, and I’m Babe Ruth. Now get out of here before I hit you. And you shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for you.” I considered informing him of my literary status, but I decided against it, instead trudging back to the tulip.

“It’s ok,” the tulip said. “That always happens.” I thought, this is a tulip that’s been around the block more than once. He sure knows the score.